I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im holly from the hills drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Damn victory sex feels great
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
