In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
