beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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