She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
