my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
