I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
