You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
