I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
