I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize