Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
