i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
