Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
