You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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