i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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