he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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