my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
