Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
