My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
