I'm so fucking centered right now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
