My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
