i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dicks are not precious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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