hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
