this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
