I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize