I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
