i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
