ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
