I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
