Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
