yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
