I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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