i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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