Sponge bath it is.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
