addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
