last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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