OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
