I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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