You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
