Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
