I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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