My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
