Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
