My sheets look like a crime scene.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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