He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
