Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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