Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
