I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
