This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
