I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
