I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
