I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
