i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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