I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
