Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
