I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
