Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
