She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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