i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
