if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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