By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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