Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
