i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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