he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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