what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
