i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
