I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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